


if i loved you less

by arctics (antarcticas)



Series: zutara drabble december 2020 [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Freeverse, Implied Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Soulmates, Zutara Drabble December 2020, canonish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:34:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27836143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antarcticas/pseuds/arctics
Summary: she sees someone who knows her:not for her smiles or the love she gives,but for the girl underneath
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: zutara drabble december 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035429
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20
Collections: ZK Drabble December 2020





	if i loved you less

**Author's Note:**

> ZK Drabble December Day 2: Please Don't Lie

_"the world only exists in your eyes. you can make it as big or as small as you want."_

-—f scott fitzgerald

/

### the first era

she is birthed on a pad of furs  
in the middle of an icy night  
the elders can speak about war  
(she can see it behind her eyes)

 _little girl—_ the world fractures  
& then melts  
beneath her   
boot-clad feet

the first five winters she  
is held between her mother  
and her brother and father  
snow people carving out  
the warmth between their own skins

at six she dances to the sky's tones  
and the ocean tugs under her feet  
(five nights; four days  
they pray to the spirits   
that it may recede)

/

### the second era

what does this child know of war?  
the empty stomachs of the others  
the maps across the stars and then  
the beat of a worn-down heart

 _brave girl—_ she screams for  
the love of another and  
sees the skin burnt, the rage  
of the ocean  
  
in the days after she prays  
to tui and la and the world above  
for a safe passage across the horizon;  
perhaps a way for the seas to crumble  
and take her along  
  
in the next seasons, the men leave  
she is a mother and sister   
(most of all, hope;  
she is the heat on the breath  
she is the resilence of the water-people)

/

### the third era

she finds a boy in a block of ice  
she is not powerful, she cannot breathe  
then come fire fists and grandmother's hugs  
how will history tell this story?

 _smart girl—_ she does not  
know the ocean, she knows faith  
she knows folktales,  
she knows raw strength

she sees the world for what it is  
and the darkness of the universe's edge  
she meets a prince and an avatar  
and sees the spirits plot and  
write a tale into the waves  
  
master katara fights a boy in the north  
and he breathes fire and destroys her  
(her heart sings;  
this is exhilaration,   
to be matched, to be seen)

/

### the fourth era

they travel to the impenetrable city  
she walks across the towns, through  
the desert, heart held high, no **love**  
in the cave of two lovers, none at all

 _tired girl—_ the children at her feet  
the war that must be won,  
she wants peace  
  
she learns about herself in ba sing se  
as she walks the streets of a new home  
the life she may have wanted;  
the people she wished  
could have loved her  
  
she hates him underwater, when he tells her  
he has not changed; he will not  
(she presses her thumb to his lip;  
she cracks and feels  
the stars align)

/

### the fifth era

she has her father & everything  
she ever could have wanted;  
she finds her soul and gives up   
on the day of the black sun  
  
 _and then he comes to her._

 _perfect girl—_ forgiveness too far,  
the world too heavy,   
all too much  
  
she sees him with toph  
and then with sokka, capturing hearts  
taking her apart until she is gasping,   
until he holds her gaze and takes it  
from her, inside her bones  
  
she hugs him on the water, when he shows  
her he knows the brave girl  
(zuko sees katara;  
for her weaknesses,   
for her strength.  
it burns)  
  


/

### the sixth era

she learns a lot about him.  
  
they touch, and she feels  
the sky & sea & earth & fire intertwine  
  
she sees someone who knows her:  
not for her smiles or the love she gives,  
but for the girl underneath  
  
(katara holds zuko's hand and   
presses him to her   
in secret, between two parts of her soul,  
too afraid to give him up,  
too afraid to own something  
the world wants to take away from her)  
  
she can't call it love, she cannot _—_  
  
 _until the most powerful man in the world  
falls at her feet, sparking, hopeless, helpless,  
willing to give her all the broken parts of him he can_

/

### the seventh era

she knows a lot about love  
  
she can be more than   
little & brave & smart & tired & perfect  
she can be katara, and   
he can be zuko . . .  
  
and they can fall asleep  
underneath a night sky  
hands on each other,  
the world at their feet  
and galaxies when they   
stare at the other half  
  
she tells him:  
 _I love you.  
  
_ he tells her:  
 _I love you.  
  
_ then she presses herself  
to him and makes a simple request  
  
(fire lord, master waterbender,   
the two lovers who could not touch)  
  
 _please don't lie.  
  
_ he says:  
 _I never have. we never shall._

/

### the eighth era

she leaves on a sunny day  
and she swears to his gods  
that she shall never return to this land  
of fire and burnt love;  
this, _satisfaction,_ she will not give the spirits  
  
 _little girl—_ you are back where   
you started, almost, torn apart,  
apathetic, broken  
  
she marries the avatar and  
spends her life with her children;  
the elders are hers, and   
the spirits answer her calls  
  
there is only one void in her heart  
  
(the world, as it existed, so large  
to consume; but then what now exists, the memory  
of what could have been, alive in her eyes)

/

_"all life is just a progression towards,  
and then a recession from,  
one phrase:  
'I love you'"_

-—f scott fitzgerald


End file.
